


A Splatoon 2 Splatfest Announcement That Would Never Happen Due to it Being an E10 Game

by nburgin



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Announcements, Gen, Humor, Microfic, Screenplay/Script Format, Splatfest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 13:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14570205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nburgin/pseuds/nburgin
Summary: A new splatfest is announced.





	1. Chapter 1

**Pearl:** Yo, Marina! Tell the people the good news before we introduce the stages!

 **Marina:** Huh? Like, right now?! Um... What was the good news again?

 **Pearl:** You know... The single most important celebration of our culture? The Spla—

 **Marina:** OOH! THE SPLATFEST!

 **Pearl:** Ding ding ding! We've got a Splatfest coming up quick!

 **Marina:** Splatfests always get my ink pumping! I've gotta get my gear ready!

 **Pearl:** Yo, Marina. What's the Splatfest theme this time?

 **Marina:** Haaaaah... I'm too nervous to look. You do it.

 **Pearl:** Fine. The Splatfest theme is... WHAT?!

 **Marina:** What is it, Pearlie? What's the theme?! TELL MEEEEE!

 **Pearl:** Okay, here it comes...

 **Marina:** _*gulp*_

 

 **Pearl:** The Splatfest theme is… What kind of beverage do you prefer at a party? Alcoholic?

 **Marina:** Or non-alcoholic?

 **Pearl:** C’mon, this one’s easy. It’s not a party without alcohol!

 **Marina:** I… don’t drink. I prefer to keep a clear head.

 **Pearl:** You don’t? Well, you should! I would _especially_ think someone as nervous as _you_ would want something to loosen her inhibitions.

 **Marina:** But Pearl, if I were intoxicated, I wouldn’t be able to operate heavy machinery. How is it a party if I don’t even get to play with the excavator?!

 **Pearl:** …You’re weird, Marina.

 **Marina:** Anyway, it’s time to head over to the Splatfest terminal and pick a side!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea just popped into my head and I felt the need to write it down. Shout outs to Inkipedia (splatoonwiki.org) for providing a copy of the boilerplate that goes before every splatfest announcement, as well as a backlog of old splatfest dialogues that I tried to match the tone of as well as I could.
> 
> I MIGHT update this later with a chapter that announces the results of the splatfest. Though honestly, I probably won't.
> 
>  **EDIT:** Actually, I came up with one almost immediately. Unlike this chapter, it deviates from the usual boilerplate leading into a results announcement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The results are announced.

**Pearl:** Ugh...

**Marina:** Uh, Pearl? Don’t we have something to announce?

**Pearl:** You do it… I have a headache...

**Marina:** A hangover, you mean?

**Pearl:** Shut up, Marina...

**Marina:** Announcing the splatfest results is kind of important, Pearl...

**Pearl:** *smiles* Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Alright, yeah, let’s see how bad we beat you.

**Marina:** Okay, let’s go ahead and read the results. The winner is… Non-Alcoholic!

**Pearl:** WHAT?! WHAT THE FRRRSAAAUAUGHHLAUGHL… *indistinctive gurgling continues for several seconds*

**Marina:** Well, that’s not really surprising when most of your side showed up for the Splatfest intoxicated. Their aim seemed to get worse and worse as the night went on...

**Pearl:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

**Marina:** Pearl, calm down. There’s no use in – 

** Pearl:  ** Zzzz….

**Marina:** Aaaand she’s asleep. Well. Anyway, today’s Normal Battle stages are…


End file.
